you will never forget your first love. that’s what makes it so special. you love so hard, so deeply, and so intensely because you don’t know any different. it’s the best until it is over. then you hurt like you’ve never been hurt before. eventually you love again, but you love differently. you will love more carefully and more cautiously, continually comparing that person to your first love.
I may only be able to count my true friends on one hand. That doesn’t say a lot about me but it says everything about them.
Don’t wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don’t. In face of what we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that make us hold it together.
truth is, sometimes the best things in life, the things that scare the hell out of you just enough to push you over the edge, those are the most worth it. testing your limits and laying it out there. that’s what matters.
Love is a funny thing. you expect it to be easy.
you expect it to be a world of roses & laughs,
& perfect moments that you find only in movies.
you expect him to always say the right thing,
& always know how you feel, or exaclty how to react.
you expect him to calm you down when you’re yelling,
or to chase you when you run away.
you expect so much that you feel entirely & utterly
defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with your plans.
but that’s the thing. love isn’t a plan.
it doesn’t have a certain beginning & it certainly
has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.
love happens ; & it is so incredibly messy.
people around you can’t comprehend why you do
the things you do, or why you fight so hard for
something that seems to cause you so much pain,
because simply, they can’t see.
they can’t see the invisble ring of insanity that surronds
you when your’e in love. it’s inconcenient & painful
& devastating at times, but we can’t live without it.
we can’t breathe the same way or function quite right
without it. see, that’s the thing about love. you hold it up
to all these images you’ve learned to attach to the word
"love" since you were little. we learn so many things
about love before we are even capable of falling.
don’t rush in. keep steady. prince charming will fix
everything. what you don’t learn is how hard love is.
how much work it takes. how much of ourslves we
have to put into it. how it isn’t worth it until wer are
complete & utter idiots about it. don’t rush in? i
practically dove in with my eyes closed ; fully aware
that i had drowned before.
"love is a battlefield”
never really made sense because it is contrary to
everything we have been taught to believe how “love”
is supposed to be. but it is so entirely different. love
isn’t him calming you down when you yell. it’s him
yelling just as loud, just as hard, right back at you,
right in your face to wake you up & keep you grounded.
it isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or pretty things
that make your relationship appear more presentable.
it’s after a long fight, that drains the life & bones right
out of you both, & yet him showing up at your door the
next morning anyway. it’s not him saying all the right
things or knowing exactly how to handle you. we are
human beings. we don’t handle one another, & we
can’t be handled. we are mutable creatures that need
something different everyday. need something more
or less to keep us going, to keep us believing that it’s
not all for nothing. so no, it’s not him caressing your
hair & telling you everything is going to be all right. it’s
him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you
are. you have to remember that with love, you’re not
the only one involved. you’ve unknowingly put your life
your heart into the palms of another persons hands &
said here, do what you will, mash it into mince meat,
or forget i ever handed it to you. as long as you have it.
that’s the thing about love. it makes us crazy. it makes
reality invisible & it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t
cross. because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in ;
feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. it’s about
scaring teh shit out of every nerve in our body, but
pushing forward anyway. because all the fighting &
all the tears & all the uncertanty is worth it. & it’s a hell
of a lot better than being 100% happy without
someone to show us that there is a world of a difference
between being “happy” & feeling whole.
There comes a time when we realize the farther we run, the greater the fear. Once we can associate it with something familiar, it’s superiority over us shrinks until we reach this subtle moment that can either go both ways. We accept this fear & deal with it, or we let this fear define us; the choice is ours. Others can only take us so far, never the whole way, so once we get there, we have to make it happen on our own
There is a big difference between confidence & arrogance. Confidence is an understanding that you are ok & valuable. Arrogance is shouting it from the rooftops like you are the most important person in the world, & feeling that you are better than other people. you do not have to be arrogant to be confident. They are completely different things. most truly successful people have the confidence but none of the arrogance.
it’s not about what happened in the past, or what you think might happen in the future. It’s about the ride, for goodness sakes. There’s no point in going through all this crap, if you’re not going to enjoy the ride. And, you know what? When you least expect it, something great might come along. Something better than you had ever even planned on
I wish you cared for me, the way I do for you I build my hopes up so high just to watch them fall before my eyes I have such high visions of my future with you, But they are never what the future has in store for me Tell me, why is it that I’m always hurting?
the best friends are the ones you don’t have to talk to everyday, who understand why you didn’t take their advice to not call him or why you keep going back to him after he breaks your heart. the ones who call you at 4 AM to let you know they’re drunk, who listen when they’ve heard the same story a thousand times, the ones who call just to say hi, and whether you’re dancing on the table or passed out drunk, they’ll turn and say, hell yeah, that’s my best friend.
I`m always a mess. I can never keep my own secrets. I laugh too hard at stupid things. My favorite songs can make me cry. I always watch for 11:11, but i miss it more than i notice it. I live in the past, in the memories i have with the people i love. I hate thinking about reality & i`m so homesick that it`s not even funny. But not homesick in a missing my house kind of way..maybe it`s more like heartsick for all the things that i can`t get back. It`s hard for me to define myself..I guess i`m just a cliche—the girl who loved too hard & didn`t get anything in return. i don`t want to be the heroine in some tragic love story, i just want the one person who has never given me a second thought.
I realize now that when your heart breaks you’ve must fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. Because you are, and the pain you feel, it’s life. The confusions & fear that’s there to remind you that somewhere out there, there’s something better, & that something is worth fighting for.